I’m doing really great on my New Year’s resolutions, thanks for asking. Number one was something about relationships and blah blah blah blah – well, I think I am doing ok there because I have not thought about that even ONCE since I wrote it down, so if it had anything to do with NOT obsessing over relationships and their current state of turmoil or unrest, I’d say that I am doing awesome at number one. If it was something else, then just shut up cuz I don’t feel like going back and reading it.

Number two was learn French. I am taking a French class. Hopefully that’s enough because I don’t know how much I have really learned. I learned that the French have too many exceptions to their language rules which is just stupid. I have learned that no one in my class thinks I am funny when I say FROMAGE really loud for no reason with what may be a Welsh accent. I have also learned that while I have no problem making that grunty rolling R sound, I can not for the life of me figure out the difference between the sounds “OU” and “U”. Apparently it is HUGE because my teacher points out my idiocy every time I utter either of those sounds and makes me repeat it forty times. It goes like this:

teacher: “Rue”

me: “Rue”

teacher: “no. RUE”

me: “Rue”

teacher: “no no no. RUUUUUUUUUUE”

me: “Ruuuuuuuuuuuue”

teacher: “nonononono no! Like zis…..RUE!”

me: “Rue”

teacher: “pah!”

me: “Rue”

I think she believes I am mentally challenged. She smiles at me a lot. But it is that kind of smile that says,”I’m so sorry. Do you need a ride back to the hospital?”

Number three was about visiting France. I have so far utterly failed on that one. I bought a paperweight with a photo of the Eiffel tower in it though.

Number four was about spending more time with my spawn. I have done that. There have been lots of tickle fights and lightsaber duels and the giant bruises on my knees can attest to the super popular pony rides I’ve been giving on hardwood floors. So I am nailing number four. Though I do admit to wanting to teach them the quiet game a little better so I can catch up on some reading. And I may have hidden in my closet once when they were trying to get me to play “marching band” for the 11th time. Ok, I hid twice.

Five – what was five? Oh – obsess about things. Here are some more Japanese oddities for you to freak out over. Though the Japanese inventions are growing a bit tiresome for me. Once you’ve seen about 50 of them they don’t seem so weird anymore. I am no longer shouting “WTF?!!! ” when I come across a new one. I kind of just shrug and say “eh, I’ve seen better fiber optic ear scopes that THAT!” So I might move on to something else next week. I am really interested in finding out more about famous people who have died in their homes to be found at a later time. Specifically, mummified. But we can talk about that later. I now give you some awesome Japanese facial enhancement tools. Of course they work. They are on THE INTERNET.

 

 

 

Nothing ridiculous about those.

This one might come in handy though it looks a lot like someone just took two toilet plungers, removed the sticks and glued them together. I don’t want to yell into a toilet plunger. I prefer to yell at strangers.

 

Anyway…six on my pseudo-resolution list was to get a bicycle. I went to a bike shop. I talked to a man about bikes. I pointed and gesticulated. Then I left because I had to pee and their bathroom was dodgy. We’ll have to revisit this one.

I can’t do anything about seven and eight. Those men are in love with me. It may come down to a topless wrestling match between Gosling and Fassbender with Clive Owen weeping on the sidelines. I will have to live with that.

Nine was eat more cheese. DONE AND DONE!

Ten was worry less or something. I am not sure I have done that right. Have I? I don’t know. I really hope I have stopped worrying as much. But what if I haven’t??? What then? WHAT THEN????